it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
