my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
