then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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