i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
