Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
