So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
