peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
