He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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