hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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