I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
