Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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