hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
