I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
