I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
