The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
