And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
