I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
