Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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