im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
