I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
