get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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