oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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