So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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