Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
