I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
