my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
