I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
