why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
