a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
