I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
