Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
