She said her name was "party"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
