Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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