She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
