So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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