One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
