no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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