I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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