ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
