tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
