OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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