i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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