i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
