we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
