I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
