I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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