I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
