I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
