so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
