Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
