doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
