Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
