I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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