i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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