I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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