dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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