Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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