im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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