3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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